As I continue on my way I pass where Ryanault and I have been. I miss him. There was another but he was not my Ryanault. He is gone now at my request….I could not take the sickness he brought any longer. I stop and pause at our camp where we ate our food and had our laughs. All that remains now is some ash and broken items. I stop to have a seat and contemplate our time together. I worry and fear I have made a mistake…can I live without his sweet voice and presence? I know I must…God has made it clear he was never for my road in life. I met him because I was where I should not be.
I run my fingers lightly through the ash…..sadly smiling as I think of him. I can still smell his clean cologne, see his sweet smile and eyes as he lies with me. It hurts….this loneliness that he seemed to fix for me. I know I have hurt him and I feel guilt over it. I truly loved my friend but could never be all he needed.
God pulls up and I slowly approach Him and get in the car. We are quiet, as I know what I needed to do for so long now. I reach down and unwrap the obedience balm. I apply the strong medicine to my wounds and immediately sense healing. My ability to see God next to me is already starting to be less blurry. He is sympathetic as he knows I feel loss. God never gloats or is happy in my pain. He understands why I struggled. He takes my hand and assures me He is the answer to my loneliness and can Fix me. As my friend Virgie says…The light waits to lead me back…
I am sad but peaceful. I reach down to unwrap the Worship balm. God is All good and God is good All the Time……
