Our “Wonderful”, Intrusive Friend Named Anxiety….

Today is one of those wonderful, high anxiety days. Well really the whole week has been. Houseguests do not bring out the best in me and neither does anxiety…..

Someone didn’t return my text- they obviously hate me and are praying for my early demise.

My house looks like an extremely failed yard sale of someone with poor taste.

I am lonely but do not want to be around anyone.

I am tired but cannot sleep.

I think of people I have not talked to in a while and assume they are angry at some invisible offense I must have committed and cannot remember.

I feel vaguely nauseated and my heart races.

I feel overwhelmed and nervous.

I am sensitive and reactive, recklessly so.

Sadly this has often become my narrative in life. I never feel like I cannot tell people NO. Yes I know that is on me but I have this irrational fear of displeasing people. If you asked me what I think would happen I would say probably nothing I guess?? But the fear remains. I mean why do I put it on myself to be the one to text etc. People’s fingers ain’t broke. But I feel this weird need to pick up every issue and own the crap out of it.

My husband has a “give a damn” meter that tops out at .05. Mine is a 365 degree spinning gauge. I envy him and his freedom of care. Ok so yeah he has like one friend…but he is a good friend! He does not give 2 skippy damns what anyone thinks of him and I think that is like superhero level. I should call him Dr. Igiva Nottadamn. Scientist by day and human that sleeps soundly by night. Next to me who wheels whirl like a rug factory 24/7.

Did I mention my house looks like Xmas Vaca after swat team descent minus a cousin Eddie?? Pouring wine now…..well twisting box nozzle that is…….